Effective Communication Starts with YOU

By Bernie Austin, NCTMB, Certified Life Coach, former AMTA-CA vice president

By the time I reached adulthood, I was fairly certain I knew how to communicate; after all I had been talking since I was two. Talking, however, is not necessarily an indication of communication skills.

Simple communication – or, imparting or exchanging information – takes on depth, color and effectiveness when combined with the ability to be present, to actively listen - to respond rather than react - to match tonal voice quality and postural stance. Further, when you're concise, open and curious, others tend to want to engage with you.

When you are communicating effectively, you are fully engaged, but not multi-tasking, as many of us have become accustomed to in our busy lives.

Communication is about relationship, and the most important relationship is with you. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements," presents a code of conduct for establishing a communication link with yourself. A valuable way to start is to create a personalized thinking strategy, using the four agreements:

  1. be impeccable with your word;
  2. don't take anything personally;
  3. don't make assumptions;
  4. always do your best.

Strategies of Thought

Choose the quality of interaction you desire, prior to conversation–connection, harmony, fun, expansion, etc.? Acknowledge your response before, during and after a conversation. If you are feeling emotionally charged (in a negative way), it may not be the best time to engage. Be the observer of your reactions and responses. Be as curious with yourself as you are with others.

Appreciative Inquiry

Rather than look or talk about what is not working, try the style of "appreciative inquiry." This style of inquiry looks to what is going right, what is effective, and builds from the base of what is going well. What you focus on, you get more of. There are times when talking may not be the best way for communication to occur. When it is time to listen, remember to "W.A.I.T." (Why Am I Talking?).

The paradox of communication is expressed by Eckhart Tolle, in his book "A New Earth:"
"So you are not relating with that person at all, but who you think you are is relating to who you think the other person is and vice versa."

Where is authentic communication taking place?
How are you seeing yourself?
How are you seeing others?
Can you find the authentic beings?

Contact: Bernice “Bernie” Austin, BS, CLC, NCTMB, CBP

In person in Ventura, California

Worldwide remote sessions by phone.

805-340-7605
bernie@bernie4balance.com

“Specializing in restoring balance to the subtle and healing energies of the body...as nature intended.”